Tim hasn’t messaged me since he took off on a plane to Delhi…I’m getting quite worried. *sigh* Oh!! As soon as I typed that…he texted. Scary. Anyway, since the cat is finally out of the bag I can talk about what I gave him for Christmas…an oil painting of lilies, delphiniums and these little yellow flowers all gathered up in a bouquet, sitting in one of my mom’s beat up brass lamps. We (my mom and I) painted on separate canvases for like…4 days straight. It was so tiring but so rewarding when I finished- it’s like….disbelief and pride that I can actually produce a painting…something I’ve never done before. Not to mention the attic was gorgeously scented with lilies everyday…it was intoxicating. I believe I became slightly addicted to the smell of turpentine. Eek. I swear it smells like the synthetic, chemical equivalent of eucalyptus. I learnt alot from just painting that one oil…it’s strange how you can gather so many epiphanies from just one exercise.
Mostly, it just took an awful lot of courage to paint. Starting and ending were the hardest, the blank canvas is so white and stark and intimidatingly empty you just don’t know where or how to start and when you get going and become engrossed in the thick of it…with each new aspect that you embark upon- sometimes a different flower, or different layer or tone- you have to gather your courage anew and just believe that you can do it and just do it. A lot is driven by instinct and gut feel…you have to trust yourself especially for placement issues- should this flower droop here or lean there? It’s about visualising the entire picture and gritting your teeth and plopping your paintbrush onto the canvas before you can chicken out and change your mind. And when your painting is on its way to completion, the last touches are the hardest…you always think…am I going to ruin this entire painting by adding just this stroke? And it’s so difficult to overcome the insecurity and uncertainty. But in the end, it was well worth all the agonizing. I’m not sure I’ll paint consistently though…it’s too mentally and physically exhausting. I’m more of a dabbler.
