February 24, 2007...1:23 pm

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No wonder I’m so thin- dinner = 1 apple.

Today, I gazed down from the top floor of Centrepoint and there was this overcoming desire to up and jump over the ledge. It was scary, as if someone was pushing me, pushing my will to hurl myself over. I know I wouldn’t have jumped but my heart really really lurched and I could feel myself falling…that insanely heartstopping freefall feeling.

I’m hitting my head against the proverbial wall here. I’m trying to suppress all my vindictive thoughts of rat poison and the like. Tell me- how do you fake smile at people you know hate your guts?

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