And now, a brief advertorial segue «

August 18, 2007...4:01 pm

And now, a brief advertorial segue

Jump to Comments

Ladies and Gents, (okay, more address to the former really)

I won’t take more than a minute of your time to promote, unabashedly, the REAL Domestic Goddess (in all areas but the kitchen, and even so..) Rita Konig. I love her love her love her. For the following reasons:

1) She is British
Now this is a very controversial reason seeing as how I am actually very appalled by much of the common cliches of our former colonial masters- Bad food, a godawful lack of efficiency, jaw-droppingly high cost of living, slushy winters, fake rain/mist, bad food, bad food, have I mentioned bad food? Seriously- does a Toad-in-the-Hole sound like a very appetising meal to you? Because it sure doesn’t to me- and really, when the most popular/National dish is Chicken Tikka Masala- well, draw your own conclusions. But having said all that, the undeniable charm lurks- the absolute loveliness of a crisp British accent (no not the affected fake kind I’ve heard some people put on because they spent wow 2 weeks on holiday there! And not the kind that would read The National Inquirer or The Sun either) Let’s just called it the BBC sort. English charm is bumbling in a Bridget Jones, Hugh Grant sort of way. Cream teas and glorious food halls, blackberry picnics, billowy down pillows and lush, sweet garden roses. They are ABsolutely deLIGHted by your presence, find yucky things FRIGHTfully apPALLing- I just love hyperbole. (Btw, Tim as I have mentioned before is Neutral Man, his most popular praises include “not bad” and “alright”, though yesterday he said “quite cute” and I really very nearly fainted with shock at this unprecedented exuberance.)

Well, that was a rather long reason and I’m now feeling quite tired. So I think I’ll just leave some quotes and let them speak for themselves-

Laydees and Gents- The Inimitable Rita Konig! *cue applause*

I do not believe that the modern woman needs to know how to do everything herself; she just needs to know where to get it from.

*nods vigorously*

I have begun to realise that people are extraordinarily unreliable. I have often joked that one should always over-invite so you are left with the right number of people once half of them have blown you off and that you should never go to buy the food until 7 pm. To call at 7 pm to decline an invitation is just laziness on the part of the guest, and I am now issuing cancellation times with my invitations: please blow off before 11 am on the day you are expected. I also have a list on the fridge of those people who have cancelled on me last minute and why. Obviously, this happens only among a rather spoiled group who have far too many lovely things to do.

toooooo true. My darling friends, being the beautiful and popular persons that they are, have faaarrr too many lovely things to do and thus resemble the most wonderfully made puff pastry- delicious and very flaky. *grin* don’t worry i’m guilty of this myself but still! I am issuing cancellation times with my invitations forthwith.

Cosmopolitans are beautiful because they are pink, but they therefore do have their drawbacks. Go for vodka-based drinks and you will rejoice every time you see one go over as you will know that your careless friends are actually cleaning your carpet.

Horse chestnuts benefit from being incredibly easy to find and don’t cost a thing, and they are a lot more practical than one of my early moth-repellent ideas, which came about when I saw a very large and heavy moth that had clearly been living on a diet of the purest cashmere. It was struggling across my sitting room in the direction of my bedroom so, furious, I leaped up and killed it with my shoe against the sitting room door. Not sure what to do next, I left it there, to Rowan’s horror, who asked what on earth I was doing. So I told him I was planning to leave it there as a warning to other cashmere munchers on their way to the land of silk and merino: my bedroom.